Moving On..

Moving on is always easier said than done. And if someone would have asked me to move on about a month back, me reply would have been: "Even if I move on, no one will ever get a chance to break me again"

And here I am after a month. A new me. A happier me. An enthusiastic me.

My family and my close friends know the torture that I have been through for the past few years. It was a slow death that I have lived. I have loved and lost many times in between. No ray of happiness was to be seen. Life had become a burden.

Maybe I was stubborn. Maybe I was blinded by the illusion of love. Maybe depression just sucked me inside more and more. Maybe I was just weak.

A month ago if someone would have asked me why I was doing this to myself, I would have replied back: "Because it is true love". And today, even I think that was just a crazy ass reply to the problem. If someone comes up to me and asks  me why did I take so long to break free, I would have no reply. I have no idea now what had taken over me. It now makes no sense to me that I went through this torture day after day, forgiving and loving no less.

But here I am, about to celebrate the 25th year of my life. I have come out of the worst and I feel strong. I feel alive.

I don't know where life will take me from here. But I now I can sing Kate Perry's song out loud: "This is the part of that you will never ever take away from me". My soul, my reason for existence is back where it should be. Within me.

And maybe it is because now I m know as "Hamzi". Maybe because now I am taken care of. Maybe because now my silly tantrums are answered. Maybe because now I am heard.

Whatever the reason it maybe, it is probably the best thing that has happened to me. And again, I would end with the following words:

"It was not about the past. It will never be about the future. It is about the present that I have right here with you." 

Thank you.